My thoughts about you

I haven’t been able to determine whether or not I’m okay without you. I feel fine, when I’m at school and at work. Sometimes I don’t think about you when I’m out, but other times I wish, “Damn, I wish you were here to share this moment with me” or think, “We used to do those things. I would like to do those things with you.” Being independent is one thing that I can do. However, being truly single is something I haven’t been used to since I was 15 or 16 years old. It’s such a weird type of freedom that I don’t know what to do with. I miss you a lot. I get reminded of you every second. I want to move on and I don’t at the same time. Why? Because I still love you with every bone in my body. Mostly, I think I’m scared to see what will happen if we gave it another shot. I don’t think it would be fair to keep you waiting because I do need my time, but I don’t want you to move on. And I know that seems selfish of me to say, but if I’m going to be honest, that’s what I want. After 3 years of being your one and only, it would absolutely break my heart to see you with someone else. I guess I really don’t know what I want. I told you that I wanted you to fight for me, but if it really came down to it, I wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m sorry that this is all so complicating. I don’t even understand myself. Mostly, I’m sorry I’m putting you through this and that I can’t tell you what you want to hear.. I’m just trying to find out what’s best for me.